so i’m thinking that i want to do some sort of reading challenge for myself in 2012. partly because reading is awesome, but also because i’m graduating in may and i want to keep stimulating my brain, educating myself etc etc etc. i’m not sure if i should have a goal in mind - 50 or 100 books maybe? 75? goals freak me out so i don’t know. maybe i’ll just read things and post about them every once in a while.
here’s what i’ve read so far in 2012 (most of this is a tamora pierce binge in which i revisited my childhood):
so i’m really kindof upset right now. i posted a photo of myself earlier in a bikini because i think it’s important to depict beautiful bodies that come in all shapes and sizes. i wound up taking the picture down because i’ve been bombarded with follows and reblogs from exploitative, heteronormative pornographic blogs. it made me really uncomfortable because i didn’t put that picture up for men to look at/objectify. i put it up to increase the visibility of non-normative bodies. i’m feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted and frustrated because other people’s use of the photo is now making me feel shame for my own body. determined not to let this get the best of me. i guess i could really just use some support in my ability to find tumblr an accessible space that i can feel comfortable using.
so earlier mara and i were laying out in the sun and i took some photos because i was super excited about it being warm and being able to lay out and look awesome etc. anyways, mara posted one of the pictures i took on tumblr and has been getting follows and reblogs from porn blogs all afternoon/night. we’re both pretty freaked out because neither of us expected a picture of her in a bikini reading bitch mag to end up on blogs with softcore/hardcore porn. ii guess this just shows what an insular thing tumblr can be: you have your followers and people you follow who’s posts come up on your dash and you can have almost no other contact with anyone else on tumblr. but i guess it’s just as creepy/exploitive as anywhere else on the internet and that has made us both super uncomfortable. it’s also fucked up that besides deleting her post (which she shouldn’t have had to do) and blocking creeps, mara can literally do nothing about it. people are still reblogging the picture and following her and it just sucks because this was all supposed to be a positive thing, not turn into a super creepy situation on the internets.
Tonight crying would be too easy
It would please me too much
And no, I don’t want you to touch me
‘cause your hands are clean
And I’m filthy
Guilty with the blood of something beautiful
All over me
I’ve been weak and leaking so much poison
In all the rivers around me
The fish are dying
And the trees are vying for some light
But I’m the eternal night
Writing rhymes about wind chimes and world peace
While even in my sleep
I’m fighting wars that grind the enamel off my teeth
And I wake with my jaw clenched and my body bent
Thinking how many dishes have I broken this week?
In an attempt to not break myself
things i will miss about the east coast (a list in progress)
how old everything is. i’ll miss old brick buildings and regularly seeing houses that are as old as/older then the country. i love the sense of history here even if it’s something that most people don’t often notice/think about. i will also miss the fact that when something happens in this country, it happens on the east coast.
not feeling overdressed if i actually make an effort to dress nicely, even if its only to go into town or to class.
the ability to wear khakis and button-up shirts without judgement.
misleading people on the west coast into thinking i go to amherst college (it is just down the street).
still managed to shower, get dressed, pay the electric bill and clean my whole apartment
not bad. i wish i could’ve done something more exciting with my day off, but productivity needed to happen. also, spring break is next week and i’m going to the hamptons on friday and boston next wednesday. so i can’t complain.